Impatience, inhibition and vigorous exploration

Posted by Jeanne Barrett on August 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

It has been one year, 5 months and 20 days since I was last able to enjoy running through the morning air, and all the associated delights of moving with ease, speed, rhythm and timelessness that running means for me.  Recovery from injury has proceeded with many bumps, set backs, discoveries, moments of welcome progress, and incremental victories.  (Being able to walk down stairs with ease stands out, for instance.)  The possibility of using myself well even with considerable physical limitations and rather constant pain has yielded an ever deepening confidence in Alexander principles.

Patience has never been a major aspect of my being.  I am constitutionally restless, over-quick in thinking and in temperament, reactive in nature.  My chosen mode is “go!”, but this lengthy recovery has forced me to a nearly intolerable “slow”.  My tolerance for a reduced pace in being has challenged me at the very deepest levels of self.

The foot pain has thankfully retreated to a murmuring discomfort rather than a crashing interruption.  The deep impatience and overwhelming urgency to run tempts end-gaining beyond my current condition of self.  Having learned the risks of pushing beyond limitations, and yet desperate for the delights of vigorous motion, I have chosen the means-whereby of activity in which I can use myself intelligently.

So, I dress in the early morning as though I am going for a run.  Then, I don’t literally run, but walk my run route (formerly called my “faux run”) with the added detail of walking with vigor up hills.  It is challenging, fun, and an almost run experience.  I can observe my use in energetic movement, hear birds, see trees and flowers, smell the morning marine air, disperse my excess emotional energy, allow thinking to quiet to a dull roar.

Walter Carrington’s wise advice that one always has time to attend to use of the self takes on a larger meaning with a long term recovery from injury.  I struggle with allowing time, but acceptance, and an intention for dynamic non-interference (inhibition) are the only tools that are effective for me.

One of these mornings, I will spontaneously accelerate into a run.  Time will blur and slow, distance will minimize, and an exhilarated sense of being will renew itself like the wind.

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