10 months since injury: still struggling

Posted by Jeanne Barrett on December 19, 2009 in Uncategorized

It has been an intolerably long journey since injury/surgery, and an excruciatingly slow recovery.  As a person with previously boundless energetic reserves and resilience, I am now someone operating on the constant edge of pain exhaustion.  I am at my best while teaching Alexander lessons.  Otherwise, my reserves are completely spent, worn out and depleted.

Although I can walk some days without pain, I cannot count on pain-free movement, as discomfort returns without explanation.  Remaining in the big picture, and also functioning well with pain, requires tremendous energy and intention.  See above about resources being drained.

Recovery proceeds at a frustratingly slow pace.  Applying Alexander principles of allowing time, pausing for a new response, and thinking with the whole Self has deeply assisted me in this very long and difficult recovery.  Alexander thinking helps tremendously in using the Self well with physical limitations, as demonstrated by my experience.  Healing can’t be rushed, however.  The values that Alexander principles present are those of patience, tolerance and constructive waiting.

I attended a Gyrokinesis class today, with great happiness.  Given my many limitations in movement, I was thrilled at what I could do with joyous exhilaration.  I was also saddened, frustrated and depressed by all that I could not even attempt.  Sitting back on my heels, kneeling with any comfort, and various other movements that impact my knee are painfully and functionally impossible.  What was previously easy and accessible is currently difficult and inaccessible.  There is no doubt that I am better, but not anywhere better enough for my liking.

Serious injury changes life on many levels and with myriad consequences.  The person I assumed that I was cannot currently function.  With Alexander principles, I can frame this as instruction, but what a hard lesson this continues to be.

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