Longer, larger moments
During the five months since I fractured my patella, there have been many notable steps of recovery. I no longer wear a full-leg splint or brace. A cane is not necessary. I can get into a car without extraordinary acrobatics. Bathing no longer requires assistance. Walking to work and home again (nearly a mile each way) is challenging (especially the downhill portions) but possible. I even sleep comfortably now and again.
During the months long initial stages of recovery, my awareness narrowed to pain management and moment by moment choices in balance. My entire life seemed to become focussed on how best to use myself in basic activity. Despite my intentions to “see the big picture”, pain and/or the possibility of pain dominated every moment.
In the past week, most likely due to my new Physical Therapist, Barb, reducing and refining my daily PT exercises, and thus reducing some measure of knee inflammation, I have experienced long moments, even into chunks of time, when I don’t have to think about every step as I walk. I can enjoy, once again, the flow of thought, and the widening of perception, that occurs when I am moving with ease and rhythm. This is what I have missed so dearly, and I nearly weep with delight at being able to “let the walk do itself” in a dynamic and quiet fashion.
Time shifts and perception changes when pain lessens and joy of movement resumes.