Limp and response
My limp had nearly disappeared prior to the recovery-disruption of recent massage. Now, my limp is once again often pronounced to the point of lurching when I am tired, in any pain, or (unconsciously) wanting surrounding humans to allow me a little more time and space.
Today, as I walked from my office to my Gyrotonic workout (a bit over 2 miles), I attended much more to my attention and intention in an Alexander fashion. Once again, I observe that my choices in response have an effect on overall experience and coordination.
When I focus on my (rather constant) knee discomfort, I pull down, and then experience more pain, fear, and fear of pain. (The fear of pain is probably the worst for my use) When I allow my thoughts to rise up, and I begin to see the lovely Autumnal world outside myself, fear and pain quiet, and the dreaded limp diminishes to a wisp of a limp. The soft tissue around my injured knee may suddenly spasm, which frightens me, but if I slow down in my thinking, allow my thoughts to rise, fear and even spasm quiet again.
Overall directions to widen are included in dynamically rising up in my attention. I include the ground as my source of support. Effort becomes much more invisible.
There is a difference between hurrying and moving quickly. If I hurry, I typically lose the bigger picture, as I am focussed on pace rather than process. Fixed determination only fixes me rather than frees me. If, instead, I intend to spring from the ground with a happy curiosity, I am much more free to move with speed and ease.
Acknowledging limits, however, becomes essential. Even with my best Alexander thinking, it is important to not push beyond pain. Respecting pain with a happy curiosity about choices in response is the balance I am exploring now.